Ambiguity.

I am happy and disturbed, though I am neither one nor the other. This dueling duality cannot be separated into parts that function independently, but are intertwined like body and heart. The heart can be removed from the body, which is catastrophic. It is easy to visualize the destruction and dismantling of tangible things, like bodies and hearts. But intangible things, like happiness and perturbation, elude the mind’s eye. Yet they exist. I am many other things, more so than happy and disturbed, and those things cannot be put on display, for the masses to inspect. What would happen if those things, feelings, could be removed? Would there be a catastrophe? I am not attempting to develop a new theory of criminal behavior, but merely capitulating. My body or mind or both won’t let me sleep. I know I want to sleep. What I want to do is never a source of confusion. But there is an agenda that works against me from time to time. I can’t identify whom or what has this agenda, but it is certainly not mine. Why would I do something I don’t want to do? So here I am, capitulating, writing down my thoughts because of some agenda that decided I shall not sleep. One day I will find who has this agenda and pretend I don’t know about it. I will know and not know; I will win. But that is terribly untrue because I will eventually die and lose series of selves and unique development in this environment. All humans are the same in death because they all lose everything. The rich and the poor, the popular and the despised, the good and the wicked, are all the same in death – dead. In my eyes, a different human would be one that could truly win the game of life and remain alive indefinitely. For now, we call this “science fiction”. Some people call it “religion”. Both are more intertwined than the DNA in your cells’ nuclei. A happy person, like a depressed person, is unhealthy. I find it interesting that one can be diagnosed with depression but not happiness. To be happy, to be happy all the time, is to demonstrate a lack of concern for the unfortunate events on this planet. This is the equivalent of a crime, a mental crime. Similarly, one that is depressed all the time demonstrates a lack of concern for the fortunate, or good, events on this planet. A mind that is all mixed up, with unequal parts of happiness and depression, is healthier (more stable) than a mind that predominantly engages in one or the other. Bryan Singleton 5-24-2013

Psychotic people.

     Yesterday, a psychotic man flew a small plane into an IRS building. The story is here: uphill battle

     Most interestingly, I had read a short essay written by Philip K. Dick the morning it happened. He wrote the essay in October 1979. Here is the relevant excerpt:

     "An excellent therapist I once knew made the point that in almost all cases of criminal psychotic acting-out there was an easier alternative that the disturbed person overlooked. Brenda Spenser, for instance, could have walked to the local supermarket and bought a carton of chocolate milk instead of shooting eleven people, most of them children. The psychotic person actually chooses the more difficult path; he forces his way uphill. It is not true that he takes the line of least resistance, but he thinks that he does. There, precisely, lies his error. The basis of psychosis, in a nutshell, is the chronic inability to see the easy way out. All the behavior, all that constitutes psychotic activity and the psychotic lifestyle, stems from this perceptual flaw."

     Most people suffer from an acute inability to see the easy way out. Those are the types of people that yell and display much anger. I remember my 5th grade physical education teacher, Mr. Beekman, pointing out that it's unhealthy to bottle up anger. However, there is something to be said for people with chronic psychosis - they are very pleasant to be around until they crack.
     Another thing of interest is that 'shootings' are not new. They were making the news in 1979, just like they are today. In Los Angeles in 1979, a 17 year old girl named Brenda Spenser walked into a shoolyard of children and opened fire, killing two of them. She did so 'because she didn't like Mondays'. 
     As for the attack on the IRS building, I can relate to the anger some people have for the IRS. As I pointed out in my previous blog post, I view the IRS as bullies. But to destroy one's own life in order to attack a bully is not very helpful to one's life. Just like with Korean gangsters, if you give the IRS some of your money, then they will leave you alone. I view it as 'paying them off'. Paying them to leave me alone; that's how I justify it. I could fight them, but they are bigger and stronger - it'd be like jumping into a pit of crocodiles. However, if I were psychotic, then I'd view the pit of crocodiles as the easiest solution.